Cupertino, CA
An Apple insider told the Whit Satire Report the release of a new "Phaser Stun" application is imminent.
"We're looking at a release date of no later than the first of August. We know this is going to be a game-changer, but we don't want to rush to market before everything is worked out," said the spokesman who wished to remain unidentified. As you might imagine, the unidentified spokesman was well compensated for his remarks which could cost him his job if the higher-ups at Apple find out who he is.
The spokesman explained that the stun feature is modeled after the famous phaser devises used on Star Trek. The ten point range of settings will range from a very mild shock all the way up to something akin to an all out taser gun attack.
The spokesman told us the stun application will be marketed as a deterrent to the rampant gun violence in America, but there will likely be other uses like drinking games and general horseplay among the dumber segments of the world's population.
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