Rio De Janeiro
Due to the prevailing gun violence in and around Rio, the 2016 Olympic Committee has decided to add the first ever 'Assault With a Deadly Weapon' event to the roster of activities associated with the 2016 Olympic Games.
A spokesman for the committee told the Whit Satire Report the event was added at the last minute because of all the world-class gun violence taking place around the city.
"We came to realize what a shame it would be if we didn't highlight the talented gun-handlers, rogues, and thieves who call this part of the world home," said the spokesman who wished to remain unidentified. "Of course, we'll bring in top-notch violent criminals from around the world to give the local thugs a run for their money. We've been in contact with the local and international beer and liquor sponsors who thought it was a great idea to add some legitimate gun violence to the Olympics."
The qualifying events will be held in alleyways and vacant buildings around the city with the culminating championship rounds held in the Olympic stadium on the final day of competition.
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