Breakdown of Christian Laettner's 14 Million Dollar Debt

Charlotte, NC

Creditors of former Duke basketball standout Christian Laettner recently revealed he's in debt to the tune of 14 million smackers.  The Whit Satire Report obtained a breakdown of the expenses Mr. Laettner amassed over the past decade that ended up comprising the staggering debt amount.

1.  100,000 Christian Laettner Duke Basketball Jerseys

2.  100,000 Christian Laettner Duke Basketball Sweatshirts

3.  100,000 Christian Laettner Signed Promotional Photographs

4.    50,000 Items Ordered From The McDonald's Dollar Menu

5.    50,000 Copies of Sports Illustrated With Articles Mentioning Christian Laettner

6.    10,000 Pacifiers With Duke Logo

7.     5,000 Signed Promotional Photographs of Coach K

8.     3,000 Copies of Vanity Press Autobiographies

9.          10 Fiat 500 Automobiles in Duke Blue

10.         5 Fluffy Teddy Bears Dressed In Duke Logo Sweatshirts