Lexington, KY
The Whit Satire Report recently learned that University of Kentucky Head Basketball Coach John Calipari will be appointed "Director of Sports Marketing for The Commonwealth of Kentucky" upon his retirement from coaching.
A source, who wishes to remain anonymous, told Whit Satire that the only stipulation is Calipari will remain Kentucky's basketball coach for no fewer that fifteen years before retiring.
"People in Kentucky are so paranoid about Cal going back to the NBA or another college they'll do just about anything to keep him around," said the source. "I don't know what kind of compensation package he's going to end up with, but I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't get offered somewhere in the mid-six figure range to basically show up for some UK home basketball games and have his picture taken with some politicians and fans from time to time."
The source went on to tell us that this position had first been proposed back in former governor Steve Beshear's administration and it gained enough traction to be approved by current governor Matt Bevin.
"I'm sure Bevin will roll this out around re-election time. He's likely going to need all the help he can get to stay in office," said the source as he rolled his eyes.
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